Understanding Homosexuality

Homosexuality is the romantic or sexual attraction or behavior among members of the same sex, situationally or as an enduring disposition. As a sexual orientation, homosexuality is considered to lie within the heterosexual-homosexual continuum of human sexuality, and refers to an individual’s identity based on those attractions and membership in a community of others who share them.

The prevalence of homosexuality is difficult to determine accurately; studies suggest between ten and twenty percent of the population exhibit some degree of homosexual sensibility, though in many cultures homosexual relations have been prevalent. Homosexuality is widely encountered in the animal kingdom. Throughout history, individual aspects of homosexuality have been admired or condemned according to various societies' sexual norms.

When praised, those aspects were seen as a way to improve society; when condemned, particular activities were seen as a sin or a disease, and some homosexual behavior was prohibited by law. Since the middle of the 20th century homosexuality has been gradually delisted as a disease and decriminalized in nearly all developed countries. However, the legal status of homosexual relations varies widely by country and there remain jurisdictions in which certain homosexual behaviors are crimes with severe penalties including death.

Many homosexual people hide their feelings and activities out of fear of disapproval or aggression; they are commonly said to be closeted. Disclosing one's homosexual or bisexual orientation is known as coming out (of the closet). Efforts toward emancipation of homosexuality as it is currently understood began in the 1860s; since the mid-1950s there has been an accelerating trend towards increased visibility, acceptance, and civil rights for lesbian, gay and bisexual people.

Nevertheless, heterosexism and homophobia persist, and in particular young people subjected to it are at greater risk of socialization difficulties including suicide. Currently the most common adjectives in use are lesbian for women and gay for men, though some prefer other terms or none at all.

In the past, it could be said that talking to your teens about sexuality was relatively straightforward. These discussions normally centered on the average heterosexual relationships without any reference to alternative sexualities such as homosexual and bisexual orientations. However, it is imperative in modern society to teach our children about alternative sexual orientations and tolerance of those differences.

Gay teens are one of the most disadvantaged and vulnerable groups in society, facing the pressure and dangers of gay bashing' and other forms of homophobic bullying. There is a threefold likelihood of lesbian or gay teens being bullied than other youth.

These pressures in turn lead to a higher incidence of social isolation, alcohol and drug abuse, family problems, and low self esteem than their peers.

There is a relatively common belief that someone who is gay must have suffered some sexual trauma or has been influenced to make this decision by a gay adult. This is a myth as neither of these things influences sexuality. In the past, many have felt the need to hide their homosexuality and have lived their life feeling as though they are living a lie. However, in more recent times, teens are coming out' much more often and at a younger age.

Talking to parents about their sexuality can sometimes be difficult, if not seemingly impossible. If they have heard anti-gay conversations between their parents or others close to them, this may contribute to their fear. In some situations, these youth run away from home because they feel that they cannot deal with the reaction of their parents.

There are also many gay teens that are forced out of their homes by parents who are unable to deal with their teen's sexuality. Even for those who remain at home, the tension that occurs when the teen comes out' can push relationships between the parents and the child beyond breaking point. This can lead to verbal or even physical violent eruptions between both parties, leading to severe relational breakdown. The trauma of this resistance to the teen's sexual identity can be emotionally devastating. This resistance may be particularly high in parents who have been raised with the conviction that homosexuality is always wrong.


Becoming a teenager is already a big deal regardless of whether the person is heterosexual or homosexual but for the gay teen, the issues are far more frightening. Often, the teen is already having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he or she is homosexual and is already fearful of peoples' intolerance of them. The ultimate rejection by their parents on the basis of gender issues leaves the person feeling totally confused and isolated.

The incidence of suicide among gay teens is around three times that of their heterosexual counterparts though sexuality and gender issues are not in themselves, seen as a risk factor for suicide. However, the feelings of isolation and of being different can drive many to suicidal behavior.

Perhaps the difference in acceptance of homosexuals could begin in what we teach children in earlier years. After all, bigotry is something that is learned from a young age. Make your children aware that any form of hatred and discrimination is unacceptable and instill these values as early as possible.

When discussing sexuality with your children, explain that homosexuals have not choice and that they need to be respected as people just as anyone else does.

Let's do what we can to stop contaminating the minds of our young and causing the discrimination against other people, whether based on race, religion, or sexual orientation.

Gay teenagers need empathy from those around them and from their healthcare provider. Otherwise, they may feel isolated and worthless, thus pressuring them into taking risks with their sexual health. Having sex with someone of the same gender does not eliminate the risks of sexually transmitted diseases and gay teens need to be aware of this and comfortable enough to discuss these problems with their doctor without fear of prejudice.

Becoming a teenager is a huge milestone for both teenagers and parents and it is particularly so when the teenager is gay. As parents, it is important to reassure the teenager that being gay really is okay and that, regardless of their sexual identity, you love them anyway.



Though the gay community has gained some civil rights over the years, it is important to continue the fight to erode the conservative views on gay issues. Only then can the gay community have the same freedoms as their heterosexual counterparts.
The American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and the National Association of Social Workers state:

“ Sexual orientation refers to an enduring pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectional, or romantic attractions primarily to men, to women, or to both sexes. It also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them. Although sexual orientation ranges along a continuum from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual, it is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having sexual and romantic attraction primarily or exclusively to members of the other sex), homosexual (having sexual and romantic attraction primarily or exclusively to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having a significant degree of sexual and romantic attraction to both men and women).

Sexual orientation is distinct from other components of sex and sexuality, including biological sex (the anatomical, physiological, and genetic characteristics associated with being male or female), gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female), and social gender role (adherence to cultural norms defining feminine and masculine behavior).

Sexual orientation is commonly discussed as a characteristic of the individual, like biological sex, gender identity, or age. This perspective is incomplete because sexual orientation is always defined in relational terms and necessarily involves relationships with other individuals. Sexual acts and romantic attractions are categorized as homosexual or heterosexual according to the biological sex of the individuals involved in them, relative to each other.


Indeed, it is by acting – or desiring to act – with another person that individuals express their heterosexuality, homosexuality, or bisexuality. This includes actions as simple as holding hands with or kissing another person. Thus, sexual orientation is integrally linked to the intimate personal relationships that human beings form with others to meet their deeply felt needs for love, attachment, and intimacy. In addition to sexual behavior, these bonds encompass nonsexual physical affection between partners, shared goals and values, mutual support, and ongoing commitment.

Consequently, sexual orientation is not merely a personal characteristic that can be defined in isolation. Rather, one’s sexual orientation defines the universe of persons with whom one is likely to find the satisfying and fulfilling relationships that, for many individuals, comprise an essential component of personal identity.

Choice vs. innate

The American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association, and National Association of Social Workers state:

“ Sexual orientation has proved to be generally impervious to interventions intended to change it, which are sometimes referred to as “reparative therapy.” No scientifically adequate research has shown that such interventions are effective or safe. Moreover, because homosexuality is a normal variant of human sexuality, national mental health organizations do not encourage individuals to try to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Therefore, all major national mental health organizations have adopted policy statements cautioning the profession and the public about treatments that purport to change sexual orientation. ”

The American Academy of Pediatrics states:

“ The current literature and most scholars in the field state that one’s sexual orientation is not a choice; that is, individuals do not choose to be homosexual or heterosexual. ”

Sexual orientation change efforts
Main article: Sexual orientation change efforts
Major US, UK and Australian professional and scientific organizations regard attempts to change people's sexual orientation as potentially harmful, while fringe groups, often motivated by religious beliefs, believe change is possible, or homosexual attraction diminished, for those who cannot accept their sexual orientation.

The Royal College of Psychiatrists states that it "shares the concern of both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association that positions espoused by bodies like the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) in the United States are not supported by science. There is no sound scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed. Furthermore so-called treatments of homosexuality as recommended by NARTH create a setting in which prejudice and discrimination can flourish," and added that "The best evidence for efficacy of any treatment comes from randomized clinical trials and no such trial has been carried out in this field."

Understanding Bisexuality

Bisexuality is sexual behavior with or physical attraction to both sexes (male and female), or a bisexual orientation. People who have a bisexual orientation "can experience sexual, emotional, and affectionate attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex"; "it also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them.” It is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation, along with a heterosexual and a homosexual orientation. Individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to either sex are known as asexual.
Bisexuality has been observed in various human societies and elsewhere in the animal kingdom throughout recorded history. The term bisexuality, however, like the terms hetero- and homosexuality, was coined in the 19th century.
Description

Despite misconceptions, bisexuality does not require that a person be attracted equally to both sexes. In fact, people who have a distinct but not exclusive preference for one sex over the other may still identify themselves as bisexual. A 2005 study by researchers Gerulf Rieger, Meredith L. Chivers, and J. Michael Bailey, which attracted media attention, purported to find that bisexuality is extremely rare in men. This was based on results of controversial penile plethysmograph testing when viewing pornographic material involving only men and pornography involving only women. Critics state that this study works from the assumption that a person is only truly bisexual if he or she exhibits virtually equal arousal responses to both opposite-sex and same-sex stimuli, and have consequently dismissed the self-identification of people whose arousal patterns showed even a mild preference for one sex.

Some researchers say that the technique used in the study to measure genital arousal is too crude to capture the richness (erotic sensations, affection, admiration) that constitutes sexual attraction. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force called the study and The New York Times coverage of it flawed and biphobic. FAIR also criticized the study.
In 1995, Harvard Shakespeare professor Marjorie Garber made the academic case for bisexuality with her 600 page, Vice Versa: Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life in which she argued that most people would be bisexual if not for "repression, religion, repugnance, denial" and "premature specialization."

Sexual orientation, identity, behavior

American Psychological Association states that sexual orientation "describes the pattern of sexual attraction, behavior and identity e.g. homosexual (aka gay, lesbian), bisexual and heterosexual (aka straight)." "Sexual attraction, behavior and identity may be incongruent. For example, sexual attraction and/or behavior may not necessarily be consistent with identity. Some individuals may identify themselves as homosexual or bisexual without having had any sexual experience. Others have had homosexual experiences but do not consider themselves to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Further, sexual orientation falls along a continuum. In other words, someone does not have to be exclusively homosexual or heterosexual, but can feel varying degrees of both. Sexual orientation develops across a person's lifetime-different people realize at different points in their lives that they are heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual."

According to Rosario, Schrimshaw, Hunter, Braun (2006), "the development of a lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB) sexual identity is a complex and often difficult process. Unlike members of other minority groups (e.g., ethnic and racial minorities), most LGB individuals are not raised in a community of similar others from whom they leam about their identity and who reinforce and support that identity. Rather, LGB individuals are often raised in communities that are either ignorant of or openly hostile toward homosexuality."

In a longitudinal study about sexual identity development among lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) youths, its authors "found evidence of both considerable consistency and change in LGB sexual identity over time." Youths who had identified as both gay/lesbian and bisexual prior to baseline were approximately three times more likely to identify as gay/lesbian than as bisexual at subsequent assessments. Of youths who had identified only as bisexual at earlier assessments, 60-70% continued to identify as bisexual, while approximately 30-40% assumed a gay/lesbian identity over time. Authors suggested that "although there were youths who consistently self-identified as bisexual throughout the study, for other youths, a bisexual identity served as a transitional identity to a subsequent gay/lesbian identity."

Bisexuals commonly start to identify as bisexuals in their early to mid twenties.
Bisexual women more often have their first heterosexual experience before their first homosexual experience, whereas bisexual men will have their first homosexual experience first.

Prevalence

A 2002 survey in the United States by National Center for Health Statistics found that 1.8 percent of men ages 18–44 considered themselves bisexual, 2.3 percent homosexual, and 3.9 percent as "something else". The same study found that 2.8 percent of women ages 18–44 considered themselves bisexual, 1.3 percent homosexual, and 3.8 percent as "something else". The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, published in 1993, showed that 5 percent of men and 3 percent of women consider themselves bisexual and 4 percent of men and 2 percent of women considered themselves homosexual. The 'Health' section of The New York Times has stated that "1.5 percent of American women identify themselves [as] bisexual."

Dr. Alfred Kinsey's 1948 work Sexual Behavior in the Human Male found that "46% of the male population had engaged in both heterosexual and homosexual activities, or 'reacted to' persons of both sexes, in the course of their adult lives". Kinsey himself disliked the use of the term bisexual to describe individuals who engage in sexual activity with both males and females, preferring to use "bisexual" in its original, biological sense as hermaphroditic: "Until it is demonstrated [that] taste in a sexual relation is dependent upon the individual containing within his anatomy both male and female structures, or male and female physiological capacities, it is unfortunate to call such individuals bisexual" (Kinsey et al., 1948, p. 657). Dr. Fritz Klein believed that social and emotional attraction are very important elements in bisexual attraction. One third of the men in each group showed no significant arousal. The study did not claim them to be asexual, and Rieger stated that their lack of response did not change the overall findings.

Study, Theory and Social Response

There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation. Reasons include a combination of genetic factors and environmental factors (including fraternal birth order, where the number of older brothers a boy has increases the chances of homosexuality; specific prenatal hormone exposure, where hormones play a role in determining sexual orientation as they do with sex differentiation; and prenatal stress on the mother.)

The American Academy of Pediatrics has stated that "sexual orientation probably is not determined by any one factor but by a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences." The American Psychological Association has stated that "there are probably many reasons for a person's sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people". It stated that, for most people, sexual orientation is determined at an early age.

The American Psychiatric Association has stated that, "to date there are no replicated scientific studies supporting any specific biological etiology for homosexuality. Similarly, no specific psychosocial or family dynamic cause for homosexuality has been identified, including histories of childhood sexual abuse." Research into how sexual orientation may be determined by genetic or other prenatal factors plays a role in political and social debates about homosexuality, and also raises fears about genetic profiling and prenatal testing.

Sigmund Freud theorized that every person has the ability to become bisexual at some time in his or her life. He based this on the idea that enjoyable experiences of sexuality with the same sex, whether sought or unsought, acting on it or being fantasized, become an attachment to his or her needs and desires in social upbringing. Prominent psychoanalyst Dr. Joseph Merlino, Senior Editor of the book, Freud at 150: 21st Century Essays on a Man of Genius stated in an interview:

“Freud maintained that bisexuality was a normal part of development. That all of us went through a period of bisexuality and that, in the end, most of us came out heterosexual but that the bisexual phase we traversed remained on some unconscious level, and was dealt with in other ways....He did not consider it something that should be criminalized, or penalized.... Freud felt there were a number of homosexuals he encountered who did not have a variety of complex problems that homosexuality was a part of. He found people who were totally normal in every other regard except in terms of their sexual preference. In fact, he saw many of them as having higher intellects, higher aesthetic sensibilities, higher morals; those kinds of things. He did not see it as something to criminalize or penalize, or to keep from psychoanalytic training. A lot of the psychoanalytic institutes felt if you were homosexual you should not be accepted; that was not Freud's position”.

Human bisexuality has mainly been studied alongside with homosexuality. Van Wyk & Geist (1995) argue that this is a problem for sexuality research because the few studies that have observed bisexuals separately have found that bisexuals are often different from both heterosexuals and homosexuals. Furthermore, bisexuality does not always represent a halfway between the dichotomies. Research indicates that bisexuality is influenced by biological, cognitive and cultural variables in interaction, and this leads to different types of bisexuality.

There is currently a debate on the importance of biological influences on sexual orientation. Biological explanations have been put to question by social scientists, particularly by feminists who encourage women to make conscious decisions about their life and sexuality. A difference in attitude between homosexual men and women has also been reported as men are more likely to regard their sexuality as biological, "reflecting the universal male experience in this culture, not the complexities of the lesbian world." There is also evidence that women's sexuality may be more strongly affected by cultural and contextual factors.
Most of the available scientific studies on bisexuality date from before the 1990s. Interest in bisexuality has generally grown, but research focus has lately been on sociology and gender studies.

Social factors

There is a consensus among scholars of different faculties that cultural and social factors have an effect on human sexual behavior. As bisexual people come from all social classes, social status within the individuals environment, and familial backgrounds, such factors cannot independently explain why some people are bisexual.
Krafft-Ebing was the first to suggest that bisexuality is the original state of human sexuality. Freud has famously summarized on the basis of clinical observations: "We have come to know that all human beings are bisexual - - and that their libido is distributed between objects of both sexes, either in a manifest or a latent form." According to Freud, people remain bisexual all their lives in a repression to mono-sexuality of fantasy and behavior. This idea was taken up in the 1940s by the zoologist Alfred Kinsey who was the first to create a scale to measure the continuum of sexual orientation from hetero to homosexuality. Kinsey studied human sexuality and argued that people have the capability of being hetero or homosexual even if this trait does not present itself in the current circumstances.
From an anthropological perspective, there is large variation in the prevalence of bisexuality between different cultures. Among some tribes it appears to be non-existent while in others a universal, including the Sambia of New Guinea and other similar Melanesian cultures.

Even though only a small percentage of people have bisexual traits, this does not out rule the possibility of bisexual behavior of the majority in different circumstances. Similarly, although evolutionary psychologists consider most males as promiscuous by nature, the majority of American men are faithful to their wives, appearing essentially monogamous. These traits can be explained as the result of culture constraints on evolutionary predispositions.
Sex drive

Several studies comparing bisexuals with hetero- or homosexuals have indicated that bisexuals have higher rates of sexual activity, fantasy or erotic interest. Van Wyk and Geist (1984) found that male and female bisexuals had more sexual fantasy than heterosexuals. Dixon (1985) found that bisexual men had more sexual activities with women than did heterosexual men. Bisexual men masturbated more but had less happy marriages than heterosexuals. Bressler and Lavender (1986) found that bisexual women had more orgasms per week and they described them as stronger than did hetero- or homosexual women. Also found, marriages with a bisexual female were more happy than heterosexual unions, observed less instance of hidden infidelity, and ended in divorce less frequently. Goode and Haber (1977) found bisexual women to be sexually mature earlier, masturbate and enjoy masturbation more and to be more experienced in different types of heterosexual contact.
Recent research suggests that, for most women, high sex drive is associated with increased sexual attraction to both women and men. For men, however, high sex drive is associated with increased attraction to one sex or the other, but not to both, depending on sexual orientation.
More recent research, however, associates high sex drive and increased attraction to both sexes only in women. Bisexual men's pattern has been more similar to heterosexuals with a stronger correlation with high sex drive and other-sex attraction.

Masculinization

Masculinization of women and hyper-Masculinization of men has been a central theme in sexual orientation research. There are several studies suggesting that bisexuals have a high degree of Masculinization. LaTorre and Wendenberg (1983) found differing personality characteristics for bisexual, heterosexual and homosexual women. Bisexuals were found to have less personal insecurities than heterosexuals and homosexuals. This finding defined bisexuals as self assured and less likely to suffer from mental instabilities. The confidence of a secure identity consistently translated to more masculinity than other subjects. This study did not explore societal norms, prejudices, or the feminization of homosexual males.

In a research comparison, published in the Journal of the Association for Research in Otolaryngology, women usually have a better hearing sensitivity than males, assumed by researchers as a genetic disposition connected to child rearing. Homosexual and bisexual women have been found to have a hypersensitivity to sound in comparison to heterosexual women, suggesting a genetic disposition to not tolerant high pitched tones. While heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual men have been found to exhibit similar patterns of hearing. There was a notable differential within a sub-group of males identified as hyper feminized homosexual males who exhibited test results similar to heterosexual women.

Prenatal hormones

The prenatal hormonal theory of sexual orientation suggests that people who are exposed to excess levels of sex hormones have Masculinized brains and show increased homosexuality. Studies to provide evidence for the Masculinization of the brain have however not been conducted to date. Research on special conditions such as CAH and DES indicate that prenatal exposure to, respectively, excess testosterone and estrogens are associated with female–female sex fantasies in adults. Both effects are associated with bisexuality rather than homosexuality.

There is research evidence that the ratio of the length of the 2nd and 4th digits (index finger and ring finger) is somewhat negatively related to prenatal testosterone and positively to estrogen. Studies measuring the fingers found a statistically significant skew in the 2D:4D ratio (long ring finger) towards homosexuality with an even lower ratio in bisexuals. It is suggested that exposure to high prenatal testosterone and low prenatal estrogen concentrations is one cause of homosexuality whereas exposure to very high testosterone levels may be associated with bisexuality. Because testosterone in general is important for sexual differentiation, this view offers an alternative to the suggestion that male homosexuality is genetic.

The prenatal hormonal theory suggests that a homosexual orientation results from exposure to excessive testosterone causing an over-masculinized brain. This is contradictory to another hypothesis that homosexual preferences may be due to a feminized brain in males. However, it has also been suggested that homosexuality may be due to high prenatal levels of unbound testosterone that results from a lack of receptors at particular brain sites. Therefore the brain could be feminized while other features, such as the 2D:4D ratio could be over-masculinized.

Brain structure

LaVey's (1991) examination at autopsy of 18 homosexual men, 1 bisexual man, 16 presumably heterosexual men and 6 presumably heterosexual women found that the INAH 3 nucleus of the anterior hypothalamus of homosexual men was smaller than that of heterosexual men and the size of heterosexual women. Although grouped with homosexuals, the INAH 3 size of the one bisexual subject was similar to that of the heterosexual men.

Chromosomes

There is some evidence to support the concept of biological precursors of bisexual orientation in genetic males. According to Money (1988), men with an extra Y chromosome are more likely to be bisexual, paraphilic and impulsive.

Evolutionary theory

Some evolutionary psychologists have argued that same-sex attraction does not have adaptive value because it has no association with potential reproductive success. Instead, bisexuality can be due to normal variation in brain plasticity. More recently, it has been suggested that same-sex alliances may have helped males climb the social hierarchy giving access to females and reproductive opportunities. Same-sex allies could have helped females to move to the safer and resource richer center of the group, which increased their chances of raising their offspring successfully.
Brendan Zietsch of the Queensland Institute of Medical Research proposes the alternative theory that men exhibiting female traits become more attractive to females and are thus more likely to mate, provided the genes involved do not drive them to complete rejection of heterosexuality.
Also, in a 2008 study, its authors stated that "There is considerable evidence that human sexual orientation is genetically influenced, so it is not known how homosexuality, which tends to lower reproductive success, is maintained in the population at a relatively high frequency." They hypothesized that "while genes predisposing to homosexuality reduce homosexuals' reproductive success, they may confer some advantage in heterosexuals who carry them." and their results suggested that "genes predisposing to homosexuality may confer a mating advantage in heterosexuals, which could help explain the evolution and maintenance of homosexuality in the population."

Social status

Because some bisexual people do not feel that they fit into either the homosexual or the heterosexual world, and because they have a tendency to be "invisible" in public, some bisexual persons are committed to forming their own communities, culture, and political movements. Some who identify as bisexual may merge themselves into either homosexual or heterosexual society. Still other bisexual people see this merging as enforced rather than voluntary; bisexual people can face exclusion from both homosexual and heterosexual society on coming out. Psychologist Beth Firestein states that bisexuals also tend to internalize social tensions related to their choice of partners. Firestein suggests bisexuals may feel pressured to label themselves as homosexuals instead of occupying a difficult middle ground in a culture that has it that if bisexuals are attracted to people of both sexes, they must have more than one partner, thus defying society's value on monogamy. These social tensions and pressure may and do affect bisexuals' mental health. Specific therapy methods have been developed for bisexuals to address this concern.
Bisexual behaviors are also associated in popular culture with men who engage in same-sex activity while otherwise presenting as heterosexual. The majority of such men—said to be living on the down-low—do not self-identify as bisexual. However this is a cultural misperception and should actually be seen as more closely associated with all LGBT individuals who due to societal pressures hide their actual orientation, a phenomena colloquially called "being closeted".

Sexual Subgroups

We no longer live in a world that is Black and White when it comes to sex, every person on this planet has there own way of expressing their sexual side, the sad this that most of us never fully open up to our partners and there for are unhappy, Sexologists and Marriage councilors around the world all agree that the lack of communication in and out of the bedroom results in more than 80% of all divorces and that 2 in 3 marriages will end in divorce in the first 5 years.

Wow that’s a lot of unhappy people, make the change and find out what you like and what you would like to try, once you are sure what turns you on. Try talking to your partner, you may find that if you are open with him/her they will be open with you.
Be open minded to what you like and what your partner is interested in and don’t get jealous if they tell you they are open to extra-marital sex. To be honest you should have had this talk before you got married.

So lets look at some sub-cultures that you may find you like.

Bisexuality and same-sex activity

Attitudes to same-sex activity and bisexuality vary by culture and locale, and by gender.
As a rule, female bi-sexuality and bi-curiosity are common in both the "selective" and traditional swinging scenes and tend to be the norm amongst participants; by contrast, male same-sex activity has a wider variation in its handling, and may be welcomed, accepted, frowned upon, or forbidden. Swing clubs and other facilities exist for gay and bisexual interests for both genders, but differ – for example bathhouses and the like for gay males, sometimes described as being "controversial" even in the gay community due to safer sex concerns, whereas women's clubs are "comparatively rare" and tend to be organized as private events, or niche clubs with high popularity for their events.
No studies have been conducted as to what percentage of swinging men or women who define themselves as bisexual would be open to romantic as well as sexual relations with both genders.

Dogging

Dogging is a British term for swinging that takes place in a public but reasonably secluded area (often based in cars, but not necessarily). There are many known dogging spots across the UK where people go after dark, typically to engage in voyeurism and exhibitionism but also to take part in group sex.

Hot wife

The term hot wife refers to a married woman who has sex with men other than her spouse, and/or women with the husband's consent. In most cases the husband takes a vicarious pleasure in watching the pleasure of his wife and the man or men, or enjoys watching, hearing, or knowing about his wife's adventures. Husbands may also take part by engaging in threesomes, or arranging dates for their wives. And often, if not an active participant, the husband takes photos and/or video of his wife's sexual encounter. Also in many cases the husband/wife enjoys private sexual relations afterward.
One variant of the hot wife phenomenon is when two men (one generally the husband and the other perhaps a close friend) take turns pleasuring his wife, each immediately taking over from the other as soon as his orgasm is reached. In effect one man is recovering while the other is active, but the woman effectively has continuous intercourse. In this way, particularly if the woman experiences multiple orgasms, this game can effectively provide her with a very extended sexual act that she could not experience in any other way.

Cuckolding

A distinct threesome subculture is cuckolding. Cuckolding is a subgenre where open relationship and threesomes meet. In a cuckold experience, one partner has sex with another person outside of their primary relationship for a limited number of times and the person who engages in the experience generally shares that experience with their partner after the encounter has ended.
Generally cuckolding differs from an open relationship as it does not involve an ongoing emotional relationship that is commonly found in an open relationship. Though the non-participating partner is not involved in the sexual act, they may be involved in preparation and selection of the third person. Cuckolding is not always done for sexual humiliation as it may be done to allow sexual exploration, the opportunity to live out a fantasy, fulfill a desire, or sexual fulfillment that cannot usually be obtained through the normal boundaries of a relationship. In essence cuckolding seeks to 'fill the gap' that is left by other threesome or group sex activities.

Polyamory

Polyamory is the desire, practice or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with full knowledge and consent by everyone involved. Poly lifestyles vary, with some being open relationships and others being polyfidelitous.
Many people involved in polyamory are not swingers. Some are openly critical of swingers, contrasting their committed relationships with the recreational sex that, in their view, swingers practice. Others are not critical of swingers but simply do not regard themselves as belonging to the same group.

Selective swinging

Traditionally swingers' clubs accept all ages and body types, and the average age of swingers is 39, while the ages when people first enter the swinging lifestyle average 31 for women and 34 for men. Younger swingers who wish to swing with their own age group find that this isn't always possible in swinging clubs.

Fever Parties began organizing events for affluent under-40s in London in the late 1990s. Other organizers have sprung up. These organizations try to elevate themselves by hosting events in up market venues, serving Champagne or cocktails and asking guests to dress in smart evening attire. Entry is often competitive and photographs are usually required to demonstrate attractiveness.

Due to the success of these events in the UK, they have spread to Norway, South Africa, Sweden and the United States. This has renewed the term The Lifestyle' to encompass swinging activities, younger couples being averse to "swingers" because of its connotations.

'Selective swinging' events include mostly childless, unmarried young graduates whose average ages are as low as the late 20s, whereas traditional swingers events have average ages in the 40s. Selective parties are sometimes referred to as "exclusive" or "elitist."
The acceptance of singles varies by area and event. Some clubs (including parties and private events) allow only couples and females, but some allow single men on selected nights. Single females are often admitted at reduced price. Because of the high proportion of female same sex activity (and interest), interested single females are called "unicorns" in the context of their existence being a fantasy, rather than a reality.

Reasons against single males vary. Most but not all of the people in swinger events are male-female couples more interested in couples or single women than single men. Thus, swinger events strive to achieve a balance between male and female participants or have a slightly larger number of females.

A complaint is that single men change the tone of an event. While hostility towards single men is rare, an abundance of single males is not often looked upon favorably. When single males are permitted, their numbers are usually limited by high fees or stringent requirements.

Thank you to my friends at Wiki which helped me complete this article.